Mother’s’s Day Part Deux

Because of these men & my siblings I am alive today. My uncle on the left urged my Father Musa on the right to send us older 5 children to boarding school after our mother died because he knew 7 new step children were not a young & new wife’s first choice with 2 newly born twin babies. By my father regarding my uncle as a father figure ( with over 10 years difference in age) that’s what he did & still today I say boarding school saved our sanities.

Literally if we hadn’t been able to escape to the peace & safety of boarding school I doubt we would be sane let alone alive today. Boarding school provided structure, discipline, taught independence but most of all provided peace away from the madness & unbalance of our family home life. We were able to see how other children were regarded with love & care when we broke for Exiat (a weekend stay away from boarding school once every other month).

I would go to my friend Rachel’s house & would continuously be reminded that our normal was not THE normal & that in itself was shocking to witness at first. I remember being puzzled that children didn’t have to stay up until midnight to mop the entire kitchen floor only to be up the next day at 6am to get breakfast ready for everyone. I was shocked that children were not cut up with razor blades & black powder (which was bought by a witch doctor) placed in the wounds (which stung like hell by the way) so it could take away the evil from our bodies… The most shocking of all was that when children challenged their authority figure they were not threatened OR beaten but listened to & a compromise was made. All of these things were a shock I tell you.

I decided to finish my story as after my Mother’s Day post last May so many more questions arose about my hinting of there being another story to tell regarding the Stepmother Aunty P. My older sister warned me against further opening these can of worms speaking from the place of fear thy was instilled in all of us children of abuse but I knew in order to be true to myself I had to speak about it.

Let’s start at roughly where I left off from Mother’s Day (I suggest you read that first installment to understand this one!)

On what would be my mother’s death bed before she was due to deliver the last set of twins, she gathered us older 5 siblings together alone & told us she was going to be going to heaven soon. Mummy told us Daddy would soon after marry Aunty P (whom was our home Technology teacher at the time & not a very good one might I add🙄) Mummy told us that when daddy married her we would have to be strong & stick together as she would not be very nice. I was 6 years old at the time & had no idea what she was talking about but I remember my older siblings looking at her in disbelief & crying saying over and over again Mummy no! My mother reassured us that as long as we stuck together & looked out for each other like she taught us to do we would be fine. I was more interested in tasting my favorite black currant juice Ribena drink being 6 years old & all so I wasn’t paying much attention or believed it. Neither one of us did to be honest, unknowingly my mother was predicting a future that would soon come to pass…

2 days later our mother Victoria was laid to rest & yes we had a new stepmother Aunty P within the year whom we loved! She doted on us at first but me specially being my dad’s doppelgänger & favorite (sorry siblings😊) Aunty P was due to give birth & we were all excited to meet our new baby brother. After he was born that’s when everything turned upside down, we went from being in a family to the “help”. Aunty P regarded us as the wicked step children using the divide & concur method whispering when our father was out of town on business (and he was a lot with his profession in the shipping industry) that he hated us & wanted nothing to do with us. All the while Aunty P was telling our Father when he arrived from being out of town that we’d said & thought the same thing about him. She ruled us with fear & voodoo medicine she procured from a witch doctor in London . Aunty P was the first one to preach in the name of Jesus being in the front pew at church but in darkness she would go to witch doctors & pay them to maintain her beauty, keep her in sole control of our family & tell her what the future held. She did it all so her first born son would inherit my dad’s businesses, she did it for power & money but control was the ultimate goal.

When Aunty P had originally gathered us children with my dad shortly after our mother Victoria had passed away to announce they were getting married, she’d asked us to call her mummy. We chose not to seeing as we had already had one & lost her so suddenly & with my late mother’s prediction of what would come to pass we just continued to call her Auntie P. My sister Ruth had challenged her with her fierce spirit shouting to my Dad “Don’t marry her Daddy she’s a witch!” My father flabbergasted, blindingly reacted to Ruth’s statement by going to grab her to apologize. You see he only saw Aunty P’s beauty & assumed she was that way on the inside (we all did) As all of us 5 older children were present Aunty P stopped my Father saying “Don’t darling it’s okay.” Later that afternoon we heard Ruth being punished screaming in pain as Aunty P had indeed punished her for defying her in secret.

Really she didn’t deserve that title of mother with all the grief & misery she caused.

There are so many more stories to tell you being called a prostitute at the age of 12 when I had never seen a naked man before, so many more stories…

However in writing this I will say with as much feedback, love & people sharing their own stories of abuse & or trauma which was such a beautiful thing as they have a voice too, what made me react the most was my siblings, the ones I’m taking about in this post. We send voice messages in a family chat room at least once a week. We send each other voice messages of love. After posting my Mother’s Day blog post & urging them all to read it they started to send voice messages of memories forgotten. An example of one was of our brother who had repeatedly run away from home 3 times at age 11, 15 & 21 because he couldn’t handle the abuse, accusations of being a liar. Forgotten memories of child services being called from school friends mothers or friends themselves to our home & having to lie to the authorities for fear of the repercussions that the other siblings who we were told would face being left behind. Also what brought me most to tears was my sister mama’s & brother & I thanking each other for saving each other’s lives over & over again. Unknowingly doing so by being there when one of us at one time was attempting to commit suicide… little did we know our mother’s warning was imbedded in us as by sticking together we saved our selves, we saved each other.

  • Thank you for reading my story & I know you probably have the same reoccurring question that many have asked me, my therapist asked me this! Where was your father when this was all happening Afi? He was your flesh & blood, surely he would have believed you when you told the truth?? Why didn’t he step in? The answer I’ll leave you with is this when someone is beautiful (& Aunty P really was that on the outside) people tend to believe their beautiful on the inside & believe everything they say. Add manipulation, age,fear, love, Vodoo medicine from a witch doctor & you guessed right, your screwed!

My Father was for 14 years under her thrall & we’ve spoken about this whole period with him & there was a lot of denial on his part & there will be more speaking about it in the future for sure. In the end he did the right thing by us children, a little late but better late than never. He pulled us away from under her by moving us children to another location without her knowledge where we began to free our selves. Scars still remain today of body issues from being told we were ugly, fat, not good enough but we’re rebuilding ourselves individually as well as together as always, even across many miles we still save each other.♥️

This story is for everyone who has suffered abuse in any way, shape or form. This story is for those who’ve lost their voice like I lost mine, you can find it again, keep trying.This story is for my sister mamas & my brother. I’ll love you forever BBF (Big Black Family). This story is for you reading this. I am stronger now.

Thank you 🙏🏾

Catch you next time lovies & please ask any questions & leave comments, I so like to hear your perspectives.

Cheers & Best Wishes,

Afi Like Taffy A.L.T

The Bug!

After Zack The hubster & I’s Kitchen & bathroom renovation was complete people kept telling us we’d get the bug to have more work around the house done but we thought that would never happen! Guess what…We got the bug! We set our sights on the backyard as it was pretty much a dirt backyard with partly cracked concrete leading from the house to the yard with an orange & white checkered fence from the 70’s era surrounding the lot which was on its last leg!

We planned to have them build a new brick wall around the backyard, lay down pavers over the exposed dirt, some planters, build over the cracked concrete flooring, add some turf & lastly install 2 gates one leading to the front of the house & the other to the back. Firstly we had to look at hiring a backyard landscaper but wanted to get quotes …

Certain renovators were asking between $30,000-$50,000 & even one of them did a mock up of our desired backyard plan (we let them see another landscapers rough draft) & tried to charge us $500 to keep it! I know it’s a business but golly gumdrops thats a lot of Mula!

After much debate we ran into Sergio the Owner of Two guys Landscaping & he said he could do everything we asked for under $10,000- Thank baby Jesus!🙋🏽

It took them almost 1 month to complete & would have been sooner had their team not got a bad case of the flu which set them back a week! But Bravo to Sergio & his team for completing it all in a timely manner. Here are some pics of the before & after..

BEFORE.

AFTER:

We went with Tuscan Pavers & had the landscapers coat the concrete to give it a more effortless effect. The Hubster Zack & I love it & had been enjoying it until the 100 degree weather hit Arizona last week!😊

The Spring trend I’m exploring this week is called Logomania! This trend has been publicized in magazines such as In Style, ready to wear & has popped up all over the runway & what it entails is the logo of a brand sporadically placed throughout a garment. I have 3 alternate looks for you to look at based on your body type.

Look1:

This is more of a sporty look in the LogoMania trend with the red Palm Angels cropped logo hoodie $515.00 Givenchy logo snapback hat $525.00, Gucci logo belt pocket bag $1290.00 (The Dream!) Off-white Off cotton sweatpants $555.00 (that color though!) & Balenciaga all over leather logo slides $650.00.

 

Look 2:

 

More of a nighttime look with this delicious Jace Sequin- embroidered jacket from Alice & Olivia $595.00, Madeworn Bob Marley Crewneck Tee $160.00 (one love!✌🏾) Fendi Fever logo embossed belt $580.00 (Yaass!!) Seven for all Mankind floral embroidered ankle skinny jeans $279.00 & Gucci Lawrence faux fur mules $790.00. If your looking for an amazing bold lip color then try this Chanel rouge allure ink matte liquid lip color $37.00! Your welcome!😊

 

LOOK 3:

Look 3 is more of a casual daytime look in the Logomania trend with this Isabel Marant Carley Float print silk dress $1160.00, Moshino logo leather belt $275.00, Balenciaga explorer printed pouch $895.00, Forever Fendi logo strap sandals $550.00 & to get that daytime glow I highly recommend Lancome click & glow highlighting skin fluid $23.00.

Look 1 would be more for my petite ladies with the bare mid drift if your bold & also if you have more confidence than the average person as a curvy lady I recommend high waisted jeans & you should be good. Look 2 & 3 would be great for all body types depending on your taste.

For my medical device users look 3 would call for a removable storage compartment wheather an arm, waist or leg strap depending on where your device is placed. Look 1 & 2 has built in pockets so no thought necessary for storage.

Catch you next time lovies! Before I go how amazing is the quality of my featured blog post image?! Its all cheers to the Photographer @alyssaryanphotography so check her out, she’s talented & lovely jubbly!

Cheers & Best Wishes,

Afi Like Taffy A.L.T.

Spring Trends!

Ello Lovies!! This past week i’ve been getting my ducks in order. New year plan is to shape up this website & really focus on polishing it into what I DREAM of it becoming. I met an amazing blogger called Josie (her handler name is hellosilhouette on the Gram so follow her) & we had a couple of brainstorming sessions & a photo shoot at my house so we could create some content for my social media & blogs as content is KEY! It went exceptionally well as Josie has a knack for bringing out my goofy side in pics that I was admittedly too nervous (or too British) to share. She has been in this blogging business for quite sometime coming up with ideas some of us are too afraid to say out loud let alone act on but she is DOING it! Cheers Indeed love!

Here are some of the images taken in my newly renovated sitting room area & home office. Our color scheme in our sitting area is mostly maple cognac, granite, browns’s, cream & white. We wanted to create a calm space to relax in after a hard day at work.

For my home office above I only wanted  3 colors to be used for my personal space, white, light gray & green & that to me is perfection coupled with the wooden flooring! Combined they opened up the space whilst being photo friendly & ready for my fashion blog shoots.

Spring 2018 trends we are looking at pops of color from all pinks to crystal embellishment, pearls, vertical stripes, the Trackstar (tracksuit) is back. Denim sweatpants have made a comeback, the ultimate cuff denim, deconstructed denim, ornate embellished denim & lastly asymmetrical denim. Low slung, utility & mum jeans are going to be more popular than ever.

For the next 13 weeks i’ll be going through each trend showcasing how I would style it & how adaptable a pump User (Tandem T: Slim X2) such as myself can navigate around them. Yes I got a Diabectic pump readers! Just after I met my insurance deductible for the year I invested in my health so that means we payed very minimal cost. Felt like I cheated the system which was bloody brilliant! I’m still on my first week so still adjusting but can’t help feeling like i’m looking after a small child that is my “pancreas”.

Catch you next week lovies where I will begin my Spring Trend Investigations.  Can you guess which title i’m going to investigate…you’ll have to tune in to see!

Cheers & Best Wishes,

Afi Like Taffy A.L.T

 

GREAT LENGTHS!

Ello Lovies! If you’ve been keeping up with my renovations madness you should know our new Contractor is everything & more! He & his team completed one of our bathrooms in record time & furthermore it looks like a fancy beach house bathroom which were so happy about! With Smoky wood floors, white cabinets, white & grey swirled countertops & wall tile- it’s bloody marvelous! The bathroom has really opened up & in fact I still can’t believe its the same space! The custom glass door just needs to be fitted then i’ll post a pic for you on here so you can see the before & after.

Street Style is one of the chapters i’ve been meaning to develop on my blog as what better way to showcase a person’s fashion style than on the street! A couple of weeks ago The Hubster Zack & I attended a New Times event (prominent lifestyle magazine in Phoenix) which incorporated cocktails & desserts from local bakeries, restaurants & bars in the area. GENIUS idea as who doesn’t love CAKE with a cocktail? Emmm.. no one!

I just had to snap a pic of a lady who’s outfit I thought was “on point”. She was rocking the off-the-shoulder trend which is so prominent right now with bell sleeves (another BIG trend) in an African inspired print. Teamed with short shorts & metallic flats she looked bloody marvelous! Her name was Ms Osagide. This Nigerian goddess told me her Aunt had made her top which was one- of- a -kind. Golly gumdrops, I would commission that in a second!!

In continuance with my 2017 pre-fall trends list longer length pants are one of them & are growing in popularity. Now i’m not just talking about just past your ankles, no, I’m talking about sweeping the floor lengths that puddle at your feet pants, AKA great lengthy pants. Not the most practical trend but it was all over the web & Runway for pre-fall with brands like Alice & Olivia, Akris Punto, Ellery & Tome to just name a few…

 

SPLURGE OPTION 1 I found these chic Paulette striped wide-leg pants $295.00 by Alice & Olivia & fell in love with them (so hip & chic just like Stacy Bendet the designer) & paired this with her Houston embroidered velvet Mary Jane platform pumps $395.00, Cinq A Sept Coleby baby Tee $75.00, medium soft metallic hobo bag & Chan Luu studded chiffon Neckerchief $55.00 to give it a pop of color in the blue. This look is retro fabulous.

SPLURGE OPTION 2 In accordance with my medical device wearers these pants are perfect as they’re loose from the St. John collection Georgette Wide-Leg pants $695.00 are indeed very wide leg, paired with this affordable Halogen one-shoulder stretch cotton top $41.40 (on sale) with the exaggerated bow (love!) & isn’t the Judith Leiber couture seductress crystal lipstick clutch bag $5495.00 such a show stopper? Laura Mercier lip glace in pink $26.00 & to finish off this look Jimmy Choo Romy 100 Leopard-print calf Hair pumps $795.00. This look could take you from day to night.

SPLURGE OPTION 3 is more of a classic look with this off white Joseph Ferguson linen Twill wide leg pants $142.00 (on sale, yass!) teamed with a black Tome wool turtleneck top $495.00 (want,need) Argento Vivo Hammered linear earrings $24.00, Alexander Wang Attica mini Velvet Multifunction bucket bag $495.00 & lastly one of my favorite shoe designers Giuseppe Zanotti Brocade Velvet Booties $845.00.

Splurge Summary I felt great lengths is a stupendous trend for Glamazons but not necessarily for my petite ladies unless you favor tripping over. However if you are interested in this look customize it to fit you by getting it altered. I would pair them with sky high heels or better yet platforms so at least when you trip up you have some stability! 😉 Medical device wearers this goes the same for you. Not my favorite trend I will admit as i tend to favor pieces that accentuate my assets but each to their own… though if you are voluptuous & favor this trend I do suggest a fitted top to accentuate your curves with these long a$$ pants! Work!

See you in 2 weeks lovies with some fresh & new surprises coming your way!

Cheers & Best Wishes,

Afi Like Taffy A.L.T